A proper childhood comes with certain expectations. Learning how to ride a bike, perfecting a cannonball, deciding what kind of Oreo eater you intend to be...and being completely freaked out by a movie.
Yes, there’s that one movie (or in my case, more than one) that Messed. You. Up. Forever.
“Jaws” ruined the ocean for an entire generation. “The Exorcist” made millions pass up pea soup at dinner parties.
And now the fine folks at FilmDrunk.com made a list of movies that completely altered their blissful state of Kid-dom. (Yes, that freakish thing from “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” was unnerving.)
In that same vein, I present to you the movies that forever changed by outlook on simple things, like front porches and attics.
Feel free to share the movies that messed you up. Consider it therapy. Because we probably need it.
Picture it: 1980. I’m 8. My best friend lives in an ENORMOUS house from the 1800s and there are three floors PLUS a scary, back staircase leading to the attic. The place was, shall we say, intimidating. Then I saw this trailer. Now I can’t go up an attic staircase without expecting an antique wheelchair zooming at me. Still.
Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video.
No matter how many times I watched “The Making of Thriller” and the machinations of morphing Michael’s face into a werewolf, I could not bear to open my eyes every time the video aired.
Thank you, John Carpenter, you ruiner of childhood dreams, of candy and costumes and shaving cream. A perfectly excellent holiday DESTROYED. Because of this little cautionary tale about taking candy from strangers, I freak out at the sight of a.) adults in ghost costumes, b.) sheets hanging from clothes lines c.) big front porches on white houses d.) getting in my car in the garage e.) little boys in clown costumes and f.) 70s-style station wagons.
Well played, Mr. Carpenter. Well. Played.
“Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”
Yeah, THIS was unexpected
What is with the centipede?
And this guy. Seriously?